Transcript below: 

Hillary’s Health scandal is still unfolding, but to understand the conflicting and ever-more-unlikely stories we are seeing and hearing, it is useful to recognize and understand the pattern that Hillary (and Bill) Clinton revert to when being confronted with unflattering evidence.  I like to call this the Clinton Lie Ratchet.

So let’s put aside Hillary’s health issues for the moment, in order to observe how the Clinton Lie Ratchet worked on the previous scandal – the issue of her private email server.

In the summer of 2014, investigators on the previous, previous scandal – Benghazi – discovered that then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was using a private, unsecure server to send government emails, some of which may have been classified.

Once Hillary realized there was actual evidence of wrongdoing – something tangible that can’t be blamed on conspiracy kooks or the Deplorable and Vast Ring Wing Conspiracy – then the ratchet kicks in by telling a lie, which is the least damaging lie possible. Regarding the email scandal, the least damaging First Lie – uttered by Hillary Clinton herself – is that yes, she did use a private server, but only for the convenience of having a single portable device for both business and personal email. ALL of the work-related emails had been turned over, she said, to our faces, and there were never ANY secret emails stored on her private server. So the ratchet locks the damage to “poor judgment.” Old news, case closed, let’s move on.

But next we discover that contrary to that least damaging lie that she told us, there were in fact work-related emails on the server that she did not turn in. Faced with actual evidence, the ratchet slips one notch and locks into the Second Least Damaging Lie: okay, not everything was turned in, but no harm done because none of the work-related emails she neglected to turn in were classified. A press corps not dedicated to suppressing news would have realized, as we right-wing nut jobs did, that the simple admission that she did not turn in all of her work-related documents – for whatever reason -- was an open admission that she was in violation of U.S. Code, Title 18, Part I, Chapter 101, Section 2071, Paragraph a: which is a felony. And of course, that looks bad on the resume.

Then we discover that classified, Secret, Top Secret and Above Top Secret emails were in fact stored on her private server, disproving the second lie. So now the ratchet proceeds to the Third Least Damaging Lie: Okay, they may have been secret but they were not secret at the time she received them. When this is revealed to be a lie, the Clinton Lie Ratchet moves to the Fourth Least Damaging lie: okay, they may have been secret at the time she received them, but they weren’t marked secret so she just didn’t know. You might wonder why a person trusted with the most sensitive, guarded and potentially damaging information in the entire government of the world’s most powerful nation, when unsure of whether something of obvious importance was marked secret or not, would not err on the side of caution and ASK, but that is a question that an actual reporter might ask.

When we then discover that many of these emails were in fact marked C for confidential, then the Fifth Least Damaging lie to be trotted out becomes so desperate as to be an open farce: She thought that the “C” stood for a paragraph heading. None of the paragraph headings were marked A, or B, or D or even E for effort at this point. When the utter ridiculousness of the Fifth Least Damaging Lie is revealed, the Clinton Lie ratchet moved to the final tooth -- The Sixth Least Damaging Lie: Yes, they were marked classified, but in 2012 she fell to the ground and hit her head so hard that she forget the briefings and protocols for handling secret information. 

This Last, Least Damaging Lie is in in fact so damaging – This candidate for President hit her head so hard that she forgot how to handle classified information –along with God knows what else got knocked out of her head -- that you wonder why someone would revert to a lie that damning and damaging in the first place.

And the reason is that this appalling statement is still not as bad as the actual, you know, TRUTH. And the truth – we know it’s the truth because she has been forced to admit it, one click of the ratchet at a time is this:

She kept private emails on her server.

She failed to turn in tens of thousands of work-related emails.

Hundreds of these emails were classified as Secret, Top Secret, and Above Tope Secret.

She knew full well they were classified when she read them.

And we now discover that the reason she gave for all of this – she wanted the convenience of a single had-held device – was the most damning lie of all: she had at least thirteen mobile devices, all with top secret classified information, and none of which were turned over to the FBI for their investigation. The Clinton camp tells us that one of her requested laptops and a thumb drive -- I’m not making this up – was sent to the FBI and got lost in the mail.  And those 13 missing blackberries?

Her dog ate them.

And that last claim is the only statement in this absurd, blatantly obvious goat rodeo of contempt, corruption and felonious misconduct that they did not, in fact, ask you to believe.

Likely they are saving that for the Clinton health scandal – which is unfolding using the exact same Clinton Lie Ratchet, and which we will deal with in the next Firewall.